lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
