the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
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