i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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