I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
dude. I can hear the air.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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