when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
