maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
