After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
