the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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