I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
