JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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