i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
do herpes really smell.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
