Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I think I sprained my soul last night
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
