Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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