College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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