Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
