the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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