Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
