and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
