just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
