I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
