you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
