I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
