He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
