Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
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