Ketchup is God's man juice
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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