piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
