i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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