my mouth tastes like poor choices
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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