make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
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Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
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You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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