It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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