I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'd cum for enchiladas.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
