I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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