i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
