friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
