Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
