just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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