mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
