My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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