Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
