he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
