went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
