I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
