This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
