I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
