I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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