Grow some girl-balls and come out already
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
