I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.