im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
