He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day