my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
me + whiskey = a bad person
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes