His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
