Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
