9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.