Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
