"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
