Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
