hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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