It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
is wine microwaveable?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
it's great music for shaving your balls
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
