he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
