think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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