You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
