I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
