i just had sex bonerless
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
