One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Bring me that man meat
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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