he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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