dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
