I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
