I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
