perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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