If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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