bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
