nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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