it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
